I am a single mother with a two-year old child. The father of my son abandoned me when I needed him the most. After a year he came back and said that he wanted to help me... so he now gives me some help each month.... The problem is that he has a wife and two children, one older and one younger than my child.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not working now, and I need his help, and my son needs his father. I still love him, and it hurts because he says that he loves me too. He got married during the year that he abandoned me, while I was pregnant with our baby. I am distraught and don’t have peace in my heart.

Dear Friend,

We can certainly understand why you don’t have peace in your heart. The father of your child got another woman pregnant first. Then he got you pregnant. Then he went back and married the first woman, abandoning you, and since then has had another child with the first woman, who is now his wife. But he says that he loves you, and your emotions have made you believe that it is so.

You don’t have peace for two reasons. The first is that your conscience is bothering you. It is trying to help you see through all the emotions and recognize the cold, hard facts. The man could have remained single or married you, but he chose to marry the other woman. You were just as pregnant as she was, but he chose her. Now he comes back and lies to you so he can have two women, and you choose to believe that he loves you.

Your emotions cannot be trusted! And that man cannot be trusted. Wake up and realize that you are wasting your time and your dreams on him.

We recommend that you immediately sue him for child support. (Read cases 357 and 375 to learn more about this process.) He will be angry, and you will be forced to give up any irrational dream you had of him loving you. But it’s the right thing to do for your son.

Just as your child is entitled to financial support from his biological father, we believe that he also needs to spend time with his father apart from you. Do not come between them just because you are hurt. The man lied and deceived you, but he can still be a good father if he wants to be. For your son’s emotional health, let him know and spend time with his father.

The other reason that you do not have peace is that you are trying to control your own life instead of letting God be in charge. God created us, knows everything about us, and certainly knows what is best for our lives. When we accept His Son Jesus Christ as Savior, and ask Him to forgive our sins, we can then completely trust God to lead us in the way that is best. A simple prayer in your own words is the way to communicate with the only One who can really help you.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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