Seven years ago I had a lover who went on to have an intimate relationship with my oldest son. When I realized what was going on, I distanced myself from them. But after a few years, they found me and introduced me to their son, who I treated with the affection of a grandfather. Even though they caused me a lot of pain, I put my feelings aside....

But now, after having some suspicions, the woman confessed to me that the child is mine and not my son’s. What should I do? The child is mistreated.

Dear Friend,

We are sorry for your pain. We know that you have probably learned first-hand through this difficult experience why God’s standard is for intimate relationships to take place only within marriage. If you had not engaged in a physical relationship with the woman, this situation could never have occurred. Although it is too late for you, hopefully other people will learn from your story.

What you should do now depends on the details of the situation. We assume that you have reconstructed the timeline of when the woman started having a physical relationship with your son, and when the child was born. You wouldn’t think the child could be yours unless he was born less than nine months after your relationship with her was over. If this is indeed the case, then you should ask her to have the boy’s DNA tested to see whose son he really is. If the DNA test proves that you are not the father, then you can go on being a loving grandfather and trying to make the boy’s life better.

However, if the test proves your paternity, then more decisions have to be made. We assume that all is not well between the woman and your son; otherwise, why would she have told you this explosive information? It is possible that she will soon be leaving your son, and that she may want to come back to you. If she does, and you still love her, you should not even consider it unless she says that she loves you and is willing to marry you. Do not begin a relationship of any kind with her until after she has married you. To do otherwise would be to repeat the same mistake that you started with.

After you are married, you can create a loving home for your little son. We strongly recommend that you ask Christ to forgive you of your sins and to come into your life. With His help and wisdom, you can begin again and be the kind of father that both sons can be proud of.

On the other hand, if she stays with your son, you can pour all your love into the little boy and do everything possible to make his life better. Unless she chooses on her own to break up the home, it is really better for you to remain as the very loving and nurturing grandfather.

We wish you well,

Linda

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