I lost my job and had to leave the city where I was living.... I met a woman there who is twenty-five years younger than I am, and fell in love with her. I left my wife and moved in with the woman. We began a sexual relationship and now have a son who is five years old. A few years have passed, and now she tells me that she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to break up. I feel like I love her. I’ve tried everything to make it work... but have gotten nowhere.

My wife, on the other hand, says that she’s willing to forgive me. I don’t want to go back to her because it seems to me that it would be unfair to her, now that I understand what an extraordinary woman she is....

I would like for you to advise me as to what to do. I don’t know whether to go back to my wife and my family, or keep trying to make my current relationship work. Sometimes I think that I would be better off alone, but that is not convenient because of my age.

Dear Friend,

It sounds like your highest priority is securing the housing choice that is in your best interests. You don’t want to be alone in your older years, so you are willing to live with anyone who could make your life more “convenient.” Though you do mention that you don’t want to be “unfair” to your wife, you don’t seem at all concerned about what is best for your children.

It would have been “convenient” for your children to have a father around to love and care for them. But instead of caring about their best interests, you perhaps tried to feel younger by getting together and having sex with a much younger woman. Now there is another child who will experience the loss of having an absentee father. Yet your children with both women barely merit a brief mention when you tell your story. What is best for the children?

Yes, it is very unfair to your wife to have a husband who cheated on her, deserted her, and now wants her to care for him in his latter years. However, she is willing to do it because she probably still loves you in spite of your betrayal and abandonment. If you go back to her and your original family, how long will you stay? Will you just stay there until you get a better offer? Will you have liaisons with other women while wanting your “extraordinary” wife to take care of your needs? Why do you express no regret for the way you have treated her? Why do you seem to lack interest in what is best for your children?

Friend, you need a change of heart more than anything else. You need to recognize and feel sorrow for your actions. You have sinned against your families and against God. But the good news is that your wife is willing to forgive, and so is God. Ask Him in the name of His Son Jesus Christ to forgive you and help you do the right thing for each of your family members. Ask for His wisdom for your future. And commit your life and your future decisions into His hands.

Think of others before yourself,

Linda

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