Three years ago a beautiful baby girl was born, but her maternal grandmother forbade that I be recognized as her father... so much so that she manipulated the conscience of my baby girl’s mother convincing her not to accept that the child be given my last name.... I can’t see my daughter. I have thought of going through child welfare services to require that a DNA test be given.... I have tried to do things in a friendly manner, without any lawsuits. It is important to note that I have always been a responsible father with my children, and I want to be the same with this new daughter.

Dear Friend,

Unfortunately you have left out a lot of details. You say you have other children, but are you married? You say you are a responsible father with your other children. Does that mean that you provide for their home, food, clothing, and activities? Does it mean that you spend quality time with each of them, attending their sports games and class presentations? Do you discipline each of them wisely, without yelling or physical violence?

If you do not have custody of your other children, it is even more difficult to be a responsible father. It takes considerable effort to negotiate with the children’s mother with regard to visitation and expenses. If you find it difficult to get along with their mother, then you must have been determined to put in a lot of effort in order to be responsible.

Your new daughter is three years old. In those three years, how much money have you contributed to her expenses? Someone has had to pay for diapers, milk, clothing, and doctor bills. Have you contributed at least half of the funds to pay for those expenses?

Many men won’t contribute financially unless they get to have a relationship with their child. That sounds reasonable and fair. However, according to the laws of most countries, the biological father is responsible for the child’s expenses even if he never gets to see the child.

We are not sure why you have waited three years to ask for a DNA test. If you want a relationship with your daughter going forward, you must first have proof that she is your daughter. After that, you will have to petition the court for regular visitation. You can be sure that the child’s mother and grandmother will also petition the court to require you to pay a monthly amount for your daughter’s expenses. It could be a substantial amount, depending on your income.

If you had married this woman before having a sexual relationship, you would not have any of these problems. Now you have multiple children who need financial and emotional support, multiple women to negotiate with, and a future full of contentious relationships.

God loves you and all your children. He did not plan for your future to include so many arguments and disagreements. You chose to do it your own way, and now you will have to face the consequences of your actions. God will not erase those natural consequences, but He is willing to erase the eternal consequences if you will ask Him to forgive you of your sins and to help you live by His laws.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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