I have a son who is fifteen and who went to live with my parents. He doesn’t get along with the man who I live with and with whom I have a three-year-old daughter. My boyfriend doesn’t love my son nor my parents, and he speaks of them in an ugly way. I decided to leave him, but he has asked me to return.

I don’t know what to do, because my son is so happy to have me living with him again and taking care of him, but I miss my house where I left all my things. What should I do?

Dear Friend,

It is very telling that you say that you miss your house and your things, but you never mention missing the man who is the father of your daughter. He doesn’t sound like someone that you love enough to marry, and that makes your dilemma much easier to resolve.

We believe that God’s design is for marriage, so even if you loved your boyfriend, we would advise you to get married before going back to live with him.

Originally, you may have decided to live with him because he is the father of your daughter. Or you may have thought that you couldn’t afford to have a wedding, so you would live with him until you had more money. Either way, you made a big mistake to have sexual relations with a man to whom you were not married. You were certainly not thinking of your son’s best interests when you did that.

Nevertheless, God will forgive you if you ask Him. He wants to help you make better choices. Your son has already forgiven you and is very happy to have you back. Are you really considering turning your back on him again? If you do, you will break his heart.

Get some friends to go and help you by retrieving your things from the house. Set up a visitation schedule for your daughter to spend time with her father. And determine to not have sexual relations again until you are married.

We believe that your children will fare better and be happier if you wait until they are eighteen years old before you consider romantic relationships again. As you have already discovered, it is very difficult for children to adjust to a new person who is placed in the role of parent.

However, if you do decide that it is impossible for you to wait that long, it is extremely important that you do not introduce your children to the men that you go out with. Kids are not emotionally equipped to deal with the normal “trial and error” nature of dating.

You have two precious children who should be your priority. And you have a loving Heavenly Father whom you can trust. Now is the time for you to be grateful for what you have and make peace with who you are.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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