I have a sexually transmitted disease that… doesn’t have a cure. It is difficult for me to consider getting married in the future… because I don’t want it to be my fault for someone else to be harmed, and I also think it would be very hard to tell a potential wife about it. How can I deal with this? What can I think about that would encourage me?
Dear Friend,
We are very sorry to hear about your illness and we understand your concerns. It is good to hear that you do not wish to infect anyone else. Unfortunately, there are some people who are extremely irresponsible and careless and who actively spread their infection to others. Other people refuse to get tested even when they know they are at risk, all the while engaging in more risky behavior. Therefore, we commend you for making the welfare of others a high priority.
We are not medical doctors, so we advise you to get medical advice from your doctor. However, we do understand that some people who have a sexually transmitted disease did not contract it as the result of risky sexual behavior. In your case, we do not know how you contracted your infection, but if it was sexually transmitted to you, we are sure that you now understand some of the risks of sex apart from a committed and faithful marriage relationship.
We believe that you should search for a support group for people who have the same or a similar infection. If there is none available in your area, then find some kind of group where you can regularly help others. There are many kinds of service groups including those who build houses for the homeless and those who cook food for the hungry. There is nothing that can make you feel any better than knowing that you are helping others. Invest your energy in that, and you won’t have much time to worry about your future.
If you do meet a woman that could be your future wife, build your relationship on doing things together and being friends. If it progresses to more than that, then tell her that you have an illness, but that it is private and you cannot share the details. If you fall in love and want to get married, then take her to an appointment with your doctor. The doctor will be able to explain your infection and any treatment that you must undergo. The doctor can also tell her how she can be protected after you are married. Many married people live with the disease and are able to keep their partner from getting infected.
Did you know that God loves you and wants to give you help and strength to live a full and happy life? If you have never asked Him to forgive you of all your sins in the name of Jesus Christ His Son, then now is a perfect time to do that. As you develop a personal relationship with Him through reading the Bible and praying, He can help you make wise decisions for your future.
We wish you the best,
Linda