I love my romantic companion. I want to marry him, but my mother and my children don’t like him…. Besides, he wants me to do everything that he tells me to do, as if he were my father, and I don’t want a father, but just a companion.
My children love me, but I live in two different houses: with my mother and my children in one house, and with him in another house. I can’t have them all together because they don’t love each other. This has me confused, and I’m afraid to marry and then get another divorce because of how strong willed he is. But I love him.
Dear Friend,
We are so very glad that you have asked for our advice! You have every reason to be afraid to marry this man, and absolutely no reason to continue any kind of relationship with him.
We can hear you saying, “But I love him! I want to be with him.” However, in the background, we can hear the other voices in your mind (or your subconscious mind) saying: “I’m tired of being alone. I want to be loved. I don’t want to go through life without romance. I deserve some happiness. I can’t just live for my mother and my children. What about me? What about what I want?”
Those voices in the background are pushing you. But what you can’t see is that they are pushing you toward the edge of a cliff. You are getting closer and closer to making a huge mistake that is almost as bad as being pushed off of that cliff.
How can we be so sure? Because it is easy to see in how you describe your boyfriend. When you say he acts as if he were your father, what you are really saying is that he is trying to control you. He wants to make your decisions for you, and he wants you to always do things his way. That is not love. In fact, it is emotionally dysfunctional. No wonder your children and your mother don’t like him or love him!
Run, don’t walk! And take with you all of your things from his house. Don’t stay with him one more day. Don’t let the fearful voices push you into a disastrous decision, and don’t let those voices tell you that you should stay because you love and care about him. Evidence must always overrule emotion.
Did you know that God is the ultimate example of what love is? He loved us before we were even born. And yet He doesn’t try to control us. He doesn’t force us to do anything! Instead, He offers us His love and forgiveness, but we are completely free to accept or reject them. We are free to do things His way or to turn our backs on Him and do things our own way. He loves us enough to give us freedom and the ability to make our own decisions. That is what real love does.
We wish you the best,
Linda