My husband and I are both thirty-two years old and we have been married a little more than a year. Before we were married, we decided that we would have two children… but now I want to put off being pregnant because of how much I enjoy my life with my husband and being by his side. The other reason is financial. We have what we need right now, but we won’t have enough if we add a baby to the household.
I have discussed this with my husband, and he is willing to put off a pregnancy for a few more months…. Is it a sin for me to feel so apathetic about motherhood? How can I change? I just can’t find anything that motivates me to want to be a mother.
Dear Friend,
There is absolutely nothing in the Bible that commands women to become mothers. While it is true that most women have an instinct that makes them want a baby, there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have that instinct. And it is certainly not a sin to feel as you do.
However, since you and your husband decided before you were married to have two children, we believe that you would be breaking your understood commitment to now say that you don’t want any children. If children are important to him, as they seem to be, then it was wrong for you to have let him marry you if you weren’t going to follow through with the plan to the best of your ability.
Nevertheless, deciding to have children does not mean that you must have them right away. We believe that a couple is wise to spend three, four, or five years together before having children. That gives time for them to concentrate on their marriage and to learn about each other. It also gives time for each to work outside the home to save money for when the children come.
As you know, many women are now having babies in their late thirties and even early forties. Of course, the risks are higher for older mothers-to-be, and some women don’t have as much energy as they once had to run after small children. However, others find that they can enjoy their children more because of the life experience that they have already had.
In your case, you still have a few years before you have to worry about the risk of complications. And while it is true that fertility usually starts declining a bit after you are thirty, (1) there is still a very high probability of getting pregnant into your late thirties.
We suggest that you and your husband pray together each day and ask God to lead you. Ask Him to help you come to a compromise that will be acceptable to both of you. Let this be a conversation with God, and not a conversation with all your friends and relatives who think that they know what is best for you.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 “Am I Too Old to Have Kids? What to Know About Fertility and Aging,” Healthline