I got married two years ago, and now we are in the process of separating. My wife said that she was leaving because of our economic situation. She clarified that she loved me, but only in the good times when we had money. She insists that we get a divorce. What can I do?
Dear Friend,
We are very sorry to hear that your marriage is breaking up. However, what you tell us leads to more questions than answers.
You claim that she is leaving because of your economic situation, but you don’t say why your situation is worse than it was before. She told you she loved you when there was money, so what caused the money to stop or go away? Did either of you lose your job? Is one of you too ill to work? Has one of you been spending unwisely? Have you had to pay debts from the past? Is one of you a compulsive gambler?
Your answers to these questions might not have any bearing on why your wife wants a divorce, but then again, they might clear up her actual reasons. Since you offer no other explanation, it sounds like you believe that your wife cares about money more than anything else. Is that the kind of woman that you thought you married, or do you think she has changed in a short two years?
We don’t know you or your wife, but our guess is that there is more to your story than you are revealing to us. Nevertheless, you ask us what you can do, and we do have a few suggestions.
Your legal options depend on your country. If your country requires both parties to agree to a divorce, then refuse to agree until after you and your wife have gone to counseling or mediation. A counselor or mediator can help the two of you learn to budget your income more effectively and to resolve your differences in a more positive way. The judicial system in your country may offer mediation services at low or no cost to you.
If you want to save your marriage, both of you will have to put in a great deal of effort. We suggest that you put in the effort now, even while she is convinced that the marriage is over, for if you’re not willing to do your part first, then she will probably never be willing to do her part.
The best way to have the wisdom to know what to do is to consult with God, our Heavenly Father. He knows exactly what steps you should take. The Apostle James taught, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”(1) That means that when you sincerely pray and ask God to take over your life, to forgive your sins, and to give you wisdom, He will do it.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 Jas 1:5