In my almost thirty years of life, I have had two romantic relationships, but both were disasters. I suffered humiliations, mockery, lies, and deception. After the last relationship, I went to therapy a couple of times.
Both men have moved on to new relationships, and… I can’t help feeling angry to see they’re apparently happy with someone else.
I am a professional woman, independent, honest, and friendly, but this has made me question myself and my worth…. How can I get over the pain of feeling that I wasn’t valuable enough to be loved or respected?
Dear Friend,
We are very sorry to hear of all your unhappiness. You have been searching for genuine love, but have only found heartache.
It sounds like the humiliation and deception that you experienced happened over a period of time in your first relationship, and then happened over another period of time in the second relationship. This long process might be compared to brainwashing. These men gradually caused you to begin questioning yourself and to begin wondering if you deserved how they treated you. Now when you see them in other relationships, you are tempted to believe that it was your fault that they treated you so badly.
Therefore, we are happy to hear that you went to therapy as a result, and we suggest that you go to therapy again for a while. You have allowed these men to steal your self-worth. Regaining it will take more than just the brief advice that we can give you.
What you went through was horrible. However, the lessons that you learned can prepare you for a better future. Now is the time to look forward, not back. How can you prevent this from happening again?
First, it is helpful to know that God loves you and treasures you as His child. In fact, He loves you so much that He didn’t wait for you to be sorry for any sin in your life. Instead, He went ahead and gave His only Son to die on a cross to pay for your sins and mine, all because He loves us. He is our Heavenly Father who cares very much about how we are treated.
Second, realize that it is better to not have a romantic partner than to have an abusive one. Many women allow themselves to be treated badly because they mistakenly believe that any man is better than no man at all. This is a dangerous way of thinking, as you have found out.
Third, pay attention to warning signs. If a guy treats his mother, his sister, his friends or even strangers badly, he is likely to treat you that way too. If he lashes out in anger at anyone, he is likely to lash out at you too. And if he lies to others, he will probably lie to you too.
Lastly, determine that you will stop any relationship, no matter how good it seems, after the very first time that a guy disrespects you or lies to you. Run, and don’t look back!
We wish you well,
Linda