I’ve been married for twenty-eight years, and for the past eleven I’ve been struggling with my wife’s infidelities. I’ve forgiven a lot, but three months ago, when we seemed to be doing well, she told me that she was tired and no longer loved me. She brought up things I said in the past that hurt her deeply. I told her that I said those things out of anger over discovering her adultery.
Right now she’s in another relationship, even though we still live together. Honestly, I don’t know whether to keep fighting or to leave things the way they are…. She says that she no longer believes in God and that I hurt her with my words.
Dear Friend,
We are very sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. Since you don’t mention any other details, we are going to assume that you have not committed adultery yourself, nor have you abused your wife physically or verbally.
When your wife committed adultery for the first time, she broke the covenant that she had with you. That means that your situation applies to what Jesus Christ was teaching when He said that infidelity is the only legitimate cause for divorce.(1) However, He did not make it a commandment, so the couple may stay together if they can forgive and remain faithful to each other.
You say that your wife has been committing adultery for eleven years. If you have proof of that, then you have shown yourself to be a very patient man. If you’ve been faithful during all that time, then you’ve already given your wife many chances to change. Therefore, if she chooses to leave, then we believe that it would be Biblically right to let her go. However, it is very important that you consult with an attorney in your country to find out what your rights are.
Another professional with whom you need to consult is a medical doctor. Your wife’s behavior could have infected you with a sexually-transmitted disease.
You mention that your wife no longer believes in God. That statement implies that you do believe in Him. Believing in Him is a good start, but becoming His follower is the next step that you need to take. The God of peace can help bring peace into your heart in spite of your circumstances.
In fact, God’s Son, Jesus Christ, said: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”(2) After becoming a follower of Christ, ask Him to lead you into what you should do next. Let Him guide you day by day.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 Mt 5:32
2 Jn 14:27