I am forty-three years old, and for some time I have been noticing that my mother shows signs of being a narcissistic, dramatic, and manipulative person who wants to suck us into the situations she causes.

In spite of being a Christian, she is someone who is never content and who is constantly complaining. For her, to be a good daughter is to let her manipulate us and use us like puppets. I also feel like she wants to trump my husband’s authority…. I understand that we should respect our parents, but I feel exhausted and unwilling to keep being manipulated.

Dear Friend,

We are so very sad to hear about the way your mother is acting and treating you! And we are even sadder to hear that she professes to be a follower of Christ and yet acts the way that she does. Unfortunately, she is one of the many who go to church, read the Bible, and even pray, all the while not paying attention to the teachings of the Bible nor putting Biblical principles into practice in their daily lives.

The Apostle James taught, “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”(1) As your mother reads the teachings in the Bible, God tries to show her how to put them into practice. But instead, she closes the Bible and goes back to doing things her own way. Only God can judge what is in her heart, and we certainly won’t judge her.

If your mother has not always acted the way she does now, we encourage you to take her to a medical doctor to have her cognitive functioning assessed. However, you indicate that she has been acting this way for a long time, so it is probably not the onset of a medical condition.

There are cases that are very similar to yours that we have dealt with before, because your dilemma is a common one. Please read, listen to, or watch Cases 20 and 155 to find out what we advised those adult children.

As you imply, God’s plan is for a man and his wife to leave their parents and cling to each other. That gets complicated when the new couple live under the same roof as the parents. And it is even more complicated when the parents provide finances or childcare for the couple. Respecting and honoring parents does not mean living with them, so if you do not yet live on your own, we highly recommend that you and your husband make new living arrangements immediately.

We wish you well,

Linda
____________________
1 Jas 1:23-24