Sixteen years ago… I became pregnant without being married. To try and correct that mistake, I decided to marry the father of my son….
We were married in a civil ceremony… and I now have another son with him, but he thinks that we should have the wedding ceremony again, this time in his church…. Besides, he is demanding that my children and I go with him to his church instead of ours…. I am against that idea because I believe that my children would be confused [by a different religion]…. As a result, all we do is have arguments that are hurtful and pull us further apart….
I can’t deal with this emotional pressure anymore…. He says that I’m harming him and that he can’t even think about the future if we continue like this.
Dear Friend,
It sounds like your husband was in agreement to have a civil ceremony and for you and your children to go to a church of a different religion than his. But now, after sixteen long years, he is no longer satisfied with the ceremony or with you and your children going to a different church.
Your oldest son is a teenager now, and his younger brother may be as well. Since you have taken them to your church all their lives, you are afraid that another religion might confuse them.
Many teenagers go through a time of questioning religion. They seem to have a healthy need to clarify what they believe and not to just accept what they have been taught. Hearing their parents argue about religion could cause them to want to abandon God altogether. And they have every right to question why their father got interested in religion right now, and not sixteen years ago. It’s entirely possible that hearing all the arguments at home might be more detrimental to their faith than actually visiting another church.
In the interest of saving your marriage and providing a peaceful home for your sons, we suggest that you try to work out a compromise. Both you and your husband can concede a little of what you want so that you can come to an agreement.
Since you are an adult and not likely to be confused by another religion, start by telling your husband that you will accompany him to his church if he will not require the boys to come with you. And tell him that you will continue to attend your own church as usual. (Of course, you are not willing to change religions, but it doesn’t offend God for you to pray to Him inside of a different church.)
However, the Apostle Paul taught that if your husband does not want to compromise, and instead wants to leave you, you should let him go.(1) Likewise, if he will not accept the marriage vows that you already made, he is free to go. But it must be him that ends the marriage, and not you.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 1 Co 7:15