I am twenty-nine years old. I had been in a relationship for several months, and we had plans to get married… but my boyfriend confessed that he has already had sexual relations. This is very important to me because I have always kept myself pure, so I decided to end the relationship. How can I know if I made the right decision?
Dear Friend,
Before anything else, we want to congratulate you for maintaining your purity. We know that it hasn’t been easy and that you have had to be very determined to accomplish this. You don’t say so, but we are guessing that your relationship with God is the influence that has helped you to stay strong.
It is impossible for us to answer your question about knowing if you made the right decision or not because there are no Biblical guidelines for your exact situation. Of course, it is clear that you have followed God’s plan for purity before marriage, while your ex-boyfriend has not. But that is not the only pertinent factor to consider.
It is impressive that your ex-boyfriend was honest with you even though he knew that being honest might jeopardize your relationship. His courage and honesty could be signs that he has changed since the time that he was involved with that other woman. He may have realized his sin and asked God to forgive him. If that is the case, then we know that God did forgive him, because the Apostle John taught us that if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive us and completely clean us up, as if we had never sinned.(1)
If your ex-boyfriend did genuinely ask and receive forgiveness from God, then that is an example of how you can forgive him too. However, just because you forgive him doesn’t mean that you should marry him. If you find yourself able to forgive but not able to forget, then it is better not to continue the relationship.
How then can you know if he sincerely is sorry and that he has changed from who he was before? Fortunately, there is an easy way for you to know. When you were together, did he ever try to show affection in a way that you thought was inappropriate or questionable? Did you ever have to tell him to stop because you were uncomfortable with what he was doing? If the answer is no, indicating that he always behaved like a gentleman, then you can be sure that he did change as a result of the forgiveness that he received from God, and that he determined in advance to not make the same mistake again.
On the other hand, if you had to constantly be on guard with him, or if he didn’t seem to value your purity, then it is possible that his repentance was momentary and that he wasn’t really changed. That is something that really would matter.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 1Jn 1:9