About seven years ago, I met a guy at my job. I was single, with a three-year-old son, but he had a partner and a daughter. Over time, he left his partner and daughter and came to live with me. We now have a little boy who is two years old….
I would really like to get married to be right with God, but at the same time, I’m unsure about marrying because I feel that my partner doesn’t love God as I wish…. I know that, if I don’t get married, I keep living in fornication, but I also don’t want to leave my second child without his father…. I don’t know what’s best: to get married or to stay alone with my children.
We would like to help you, but there are so many things that we don’t know! What happened to the father of your first son? Does that son have a relationship with him now? And what about your partner’s daughter? Does he have a relationship with her? Does he financially support her? Does her mother still want to be with him?
The answers to all of these questions matter! Your partner’s daughter needs her father just as much as your younger son needs him. And your older son needs his father too. These are three children whose whole lives are being affected by the choices that you have made. Choosing to have sex without the security of marriage is like running a red light, hoping that you won’t be hit. You might be lucky once or twice, but if you run red lights all the time, you will eventually suffer the consequences.
You are now facing those consequences. And your children are the innocent victims who will also suffer consequences. What, then, is best for the children?
You say your partner doesn’t love God as you wish he did. How does he feel about you attending church and taking the children? Does he agree with what they will learn about God? Will he be a positive role model in the home and support Biblical teachings? These very important questions should help you to know whether you should marry him. But even if he agrees to your family’s faith now, there is no guarantee that he will still agree in the future.
Do you understand the importance of your partner’s relationship with his daughter? When she comes to your house, can you treat her the same as the boys? And are you in agreement with your partner using a significant part of his income to support her?
We can’t tell you what you should do, but we can tell you what you should not do. Do not continue to live with and have sex with any man to whom you are not married. And do not tell your children that you are a follower of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, while ignoring His teachings.
We wish you well,
Linda