Ever since I got married, my mother-in-law and I have not gotten along…. Every time we’ve gone to family gatherings, we haven not felt accepted….

We decided to distance ourselves from my in-laws, and that gave us peace…. But we have not stopped supporting my mother-in-law each month with money, nor have we stopped visiting her twice a year. As Christians, is it acceptable for us to do this? …

We tried to get along, but it wasn’t possible. My mother-in-law had a house, and a year ago she decided to give it to her favorite son. My husband felt bad about it because they didn’t tell him what they were going to do with the house…. When it comes to asking him for money or the need for medications, they always start a group chat, but never to talk as a family.

Dear Friend,

We are very sad to hear about your situation. We understand that you are trying to do the right thing in difficult circumstances. Seemingly, your mother-in-law has shown a great lack of wisdom by refusing to accept you as her son’s wife. And just as unwisely, she has shown preferential treatment to one of her children over the others.

However, we know only your side of the story. It is possible that you could have said or done something that would have upset your mother-in-law from the very beginning. And your husband also could have treated her badly. But in order to answer your question, we must assume that you and your husband have always honored your mother-in-law and treated her respectfully.

You imply that you want to do the right thing as Christians. The problem is that many people have different understandings of what the word “Christian” really means.

Some people think that everyone who believes in God is a Christian. But we know that Satan believes in God, and yet no one thinks that Satan is a Christian.(1) Other people believe that anyone who tries to be good is a Christian. But if that were true, why was it necessary for Jesus Christ, God’s Son, to die on a cross to forgive our sins?(2) And there are others who believe that going to church makes you a Christian. But everyone knows that there are plenty of people who go to church as a habit or tradition, and not because they want to actually worship God there.

The Bible says that it is by sincerely repenting and asking God to forgive our sins that we become followers of Christ.(3) Being a follower means making every effort to do things God’s way as prescribed in the Bible. None of us follow Christ perfectly, but we constantly reset when we get off track.

So you and your husband, as followers of Christ, want to know if you must visit his parents more often. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible that says that you should. However, when you do communicate with them or see them, always honor them by being respectful. Don’t bring up the sensitive or controversial subjects that will only start an argument. And honor them by accepting their right to make their own choices, even if you believe their choices are unfair.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Jas 2:19
2 Ro 3:23; 2Co 5:15; 1Pe 2:24
3 Ac 3:19; Ro 10:9; 1Jn 1:9