My sister started dating a man who doesn’t share our faith…. That man gained our trust, introduced himself to our parents, and asked for my sister’s hand in marriage. Later we found out that she was pregnant.
They had disagreements… and the wedding was called off even though the invitations had already been sent out. I feel angry toward that man. He deceived all of us.
Now my sister has gotten back together with him as if nothing had happened, and she’s still living with us…. She has continued going to church, and for some strange reason I don’t want to go with her…. I don’t say anything to her because I know I’d end up yelling, and I don’t want to affect her pregnancy…. Please help me.
Dear Friend,
Just reading your words causes us to feel the turmoil of conflicting emotions that you are experiencing! You passionately want to protect your family’s honor and the honor of your faith and convictions. At the same time, you fiercely love your sister and her child, and you want the best for them in spite of the fact that your sister continues to make decisions that you don’t agree with. You perceive that her man is a threat to everything that you hold dear, but you are frustrated and angry that there is nothing you can do to get rid of the threat.
In spite of your roller coaster of emotions, you love your sister and her child enough to restrain all the harsh words that you would like to be able to say to her about her past and future decisions. This is proof that, above all else, your priority is to do what is best for her and the child. You are a loving and caring sister with pure motives, in spite of your anger and frustration.
You confess that you don’t understand your reasons for not wanting to accompany your sister when she goes to church. This is likely because you don’t want anyone to think that you approve of your sister’s decisions. You have a strong desire to show that you remain true to your own convictions while remaining loyal to your sister at the same time. No wonder you are experiencing such turmoil!
Thankfully, you are a follower of Christ, so you have a resource available to you that other people don’t have. You have a close relationship with the One who understands your conflicting emotions better than anyone else ever could. That One, God our heavenly father, loves each one of us and wants to protect us from all harm, but at the same time He restrains Himself from intervening because He respects our free moral agency. Sadly, He has to watch while we make our own foolish choices and then have to suffer the consequences.
Ask God to help you to give up your need to protect your sister, your family, and your faith. Place all your concerns into His capable hands and allow Him to protect what needs protecting. Ask Him to help you show His love in every circumstance, and to give you wisdom in how to manage your emotions in a healthy way.
We wish you well,
Linda