Seventeen years ago, I had a romantic relationship with the father of my daughter, but after being with him for a while, I found out he was married. By then, I was already pregnant, and it was hard to leave him.

Years later, I accepted Christ as my Savior. I’ve tried to break up with the man, but I can’t—even though we no longer live together. I miss him… and when we see each other, just for him to bring things for our daughter, I suffer in silence.

What am I to do? I can’t forget him, and he goes on with his family.

Dear Friend,

We hope that you are ready to acknowledge that seventeen years ago this man lied to you and betrayed you. At the same time, he was lying to his wife and has probably been lying to her ever since. He has proven to be an untrustworthy man with no integrity at all. When you think about why you love him, do you remember his lack of honesty and his ability to continue lying for all these years?

We are saddened to know about what your daughter has been going through. She did nothing wrong! You made the decision to have sex with a man who was lying to you, and he made the decision to be unfaithful to his wife, but your daughter did nothing to deserve this turmoil in her life. She is the innocent victim of her parents’ actions.

Your daughter has you as her closest example. Do you want her to live as you have lived? You are showing her every day how to let a man mistreat her and take away her self-respect.

You say that you’ve tried to break up with the man, but can’t, even though you no longer live together. There are a few reasons why this may be true. The most likely reason is that the man is still manipulating you to get what he wants. Another possible reason is that you have a history of making decisions based on your emotions instead of your reasoning ability. If you let your feelings guide you, you will continue being manipulated by the man for the rest of your life.

We congratulate you for becoming a follower of Christ. Attending church, reading the Bible, and praying are all spiritual disciplines that can make you stronger and help you to break up with the man forever. When we communicate regularly with God, He helps us to make decisions that are right for us even though they may not be easy. He is always looking out for our good.(1)

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Ro 8:28