I attend a church where I teach the Bible. My eldest daughter is an English teacher who lives a disorderly life involving alcohol and relationships with different men…. She spends her weekends in bars.
Because I am a teacher like she is, others won’t accept my counsel, pointing out instead that I like to correct others while not correcting my own daughter…. I’ve found out that she has wrecked several couples’ marriages because the injured parties come to me to tell me what she is doing, and lay the blame on me. What am I to do? She still lives with me.
Dear Friend,
In Case 881, we gave advice to a mother having a very similar problem to yours. We recommend that you consult that case to find out what we advised.
One of the differences between that case and yours is that the adult child was no longer living in the house with the parent, which is neither right nor wrong. ut you do have the option of asking your daughter to move out to a place of her own. It’s possible that people would be more understanding if your daughter did move out, but you will need to pray and ask God to direct you regarding that decision, because there is no Biblically-based answer that we can offer.
The Bible does, however, state the qualifications for a leader. The Apostle Paul stressed in his letters to both Timothy and Titus that a leader should manage the home well, and that includes loving and consistently disciplining the children.(1) But your daughter is not a child anymore. She is a working adult who makes her own decisions, even while knowing that you do not approve.
There are several examples of leaders in the Bible who were not disqualified even though their adult children did not serve God. Eli the priest, Samuel the prophet, and David the king all had adult children who did not follow God’s ways,(2) yet God did not reject them as parents for the actions of those children. Each adult child had to suffer the consequences of his own disobedience.
However, it does concern us that you have people in your life who are so judgmental toward you. Those people are judging you in spite of what Jesus Christ Himself, God’s Son, taught: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”(3)
It is very important for you to have a humble attitude, asking others, when they mention your daughter, to pray for her. It is not necessary to tell them all the details, but rather just to say that she is not following the Lord and that you would appreciate it if they would join with you in prayer for her.
We, too, have an adult daughter who is not a follower of Christ. Like your daughter, she has been taught the ways of God, but right now she is choosing not to follow Him. We pray for her, of course, but her spiritual condition does not affect our ability to teach others.
We wish you well,
Linda
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1 1 Ti 3:4-5; Tit 1:5-9
2 1 Sa 2:12-17, 22-25; 8:1-3; 2Sa 13:1–18:33; 1 Ki 1:1-53
3 Mt 7:1