I am twenty‑seven years old and have been married for six months. The problem is that I haven’t gotten pregnant yet and this has me very worried, for I am not doing anything to prevent me from becoming pregnant and sometimes I think that I will never have a baby. My husband doesn’t reproach me, but I know that he wants a baby now, and that makes me feel worse…. My mother, my mother‑in‑law, and many others always ask me if I’m pregnant yet, and that also makes me feel even worse. And the worst thing of all is that I have a phobia about going to the doctor. I am afraid that he will tell me that I will never have a child of my own.
Dear Friend,
Congratulations on your marriage! It is wonderful that you have a loving husband. Every day that the two of you live together, you learn more about each other. This is an important time to grow as a couple and to have fun together before the children come.
We do not recommend that any couples plan to have children until they have lived together for a few years. Sometimes children come early, and couples can make their marriages work in spite of this; but it is definitely better to spend some time together alone before the little ones come. Babies can create a lot of stress, and every couple needs to have built a foundation on which to be secure in one another’s love. Couples need to have learned how to resolve conflicts and how to work together to reach their goals.
Obviously children are very important to you, and you are eager to start your family, but it sounds like your situation has made you very anxious. Did you know that anxiety produces chemicals which could be preventing pregnancy? Many couples find it difficult to conceive when they are anxious about it. We recommend that you focus on your marital relationship instead of focusing on having a baby. Spend fun and romantic times together without the expectation of getting pregnant. Let your mother, his mother, and everyone else know that you have decided to wait a while before having a family, and ask them to stop speaking to you about it.
We also recommend that you see a doctor for a regular checkup. Because you are afraid of what the doctor will say, perhaps you should plan to say nothing about wanting a baby. Just develop a relationship with the doctor so that in the future you can go back without being so fearful. And at the same time, you can have the simple preventive tests that everyone should have regularly.
Our last recommendation is that you tell your problems to Someone who loves you more than anyone else. He is your Heavenly Father, and you can talk to Him anytime by praying. Pour out your frustrations and fears to Him, and let Him flood you with His perfect peace, which is better than all understanding.(1)
We wish you that peace,
Linda and Charles
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1 Php 4:7