Five years ago, I met a man that I fell deeply in love with, who was separated from his wife and had two sons. As a result of this relationship, we have a two‑year‑old daughter. In spite of the fact that we have a daughter, we go on with life as before when we fell in love, with him living in his house and me living with our daughter in my house….
He says that he loves and adores me, but he rejects my daughter, saying that he already has two children and doesn’t need ours. This hurts me as a mother; he hasn’t taken responsibility for my daughter.
We are happy that you care so much about your daughter. She deserves to grow up feeling that she is worthy of being loved and cherished.
Besides your love, your little one also has the love of God. The psalmist David says that God is a father to the fatherless.1 You need to accept the fact that your daughter is fatherless. Your boyfriend donated biological material to conceive her, but he has certainly not been a father to her.
There is no way to make your boyfriend care about or accept your daughter. However, whether he wants to be or not, he is morally and ethically responsible to support her financially. We encourage you to contact an attorney or the social welfare system of your country in that regard.
But more important than finances is your daughter’s emotional health. Having contact with a man who obviously rejects her will be extremely harmful to her emotions and self-esteem. She will grow up trying to gain her father’s love through her behavior, and when no positive behavior works to get his love, she could engage in destructive behaviors such as drugs and promiscuous sex.
Your boyfriend has made it clear that he does not want to live with you or marry you. For you to continue to have an intimate relationship with him is emotionally destructive to you and could ruin your daughter’s life. This is the kind of situation that God wanted to help us avoid when he gave us the rule about having physical intimacy only inside of a committed marriage relationship.
It should not matter to you whether your boyfriend is separated from his wife or not; he has made it clear that he does not want to marry you. It makes no difference how much he says that he loves you; his actions show that his love is not significant enough to want to live with you or to become a family with you and your daughter. Why would you want to continue in a relationship with a man who so obviously does not have your best interest at heart? And why would you want to continue to let this man reject your daughter in a way that will jeapardize her future emotional health and stability?
God loves you and your daughter. He wants the best for both of you. Ask Him to be with you and give you the strength to do what is best.
We wish you well,
Linda and Charles
1 Ps 68:5