I have had the desire to kill myself for the past three years, because my life has been very difficult ever since I was a child. I started working away from home when I was seven, where they treated me like an animal. At age ten, I went somewhere else. They tried to abuse me there. So I ran away from my city. I had to travel by truck for thirty-six hours, hungry and cold…. Then I started robbing things, but after two years I was able to overcome that bad habit. I still think of my past life, and each time I remember, I want to kill myself….
I prefer to be isolated and alone, with no one speaking to me. Please help me!
Thank you for writing to us! We know it was probably hard for you to tell us your story, but we are very glad that you did. The fact that you asked for help is the first step in recovering from the disastrous way that you were treated as a child.
It was not God’s will for you to be treated the way that you were. God didn’t plan it that way, nor was He pleased with it. In fact, when His Son Jesus Christ walked on the earth, He often used a child as an example, and He said that any one who harms a child would be better off to be weighted down and thrown into the sea to drown.1 In other words, Jesus was saying that harming children is a sin that God will punish very severely.
God planned for every child to have a loving mother and father to take care of him, nurture him, and love him. However, your parents did not follow God’s plan for their lives. More than likely, one or both of them had addictions to drugs or alcohol, or were mentally ill, and they chose to completely exclude God from their lives. And since God does not force anyone to follow His plan, even though we would all be better off if we did, He did not force your parents to care for you as they should have. So they treated you as no child should ever be treated. Your current and past problems are the natural consequences of the sins your parents committed.
Is it fair that you should suffer for their sins? Absolutely not! But life is not fair. As long as people can make their own decisions, they will often choose badly, and those choices will ultimately cause others to suffer. The victims of this suffering then have the choice to pass the suffering on to others by their own bad choices, or to try and stop the suffering by making good choices and following God’s plan for their lives.
You cannot change your past, but you can change your future. You can’t escape from what you have already suffered, but you can begin a new life. First, accept the fact that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for you. Then ask Him to forgive you of your sins and to be with you every day for the rest of your life. When you speak to Him in prayer, you will feel His loving arms come around you and hold you tightly, and you will feel the extreme love that He has for you.
Please see a doctor and tell him or her about your thoughts of harming yourself. You probably need some medication to help regulate the chemicals in your body.
We wish you well,
Linda and Charles
1 Mt 18:2-6; Lk 17:1-2