I am a single woman…. I met a guy about a year ago… and one day I accepted a date with him…. We had been going out only about a week when he asked me to have sexual relations with him, but I wouldn’t do it. He got mad and said that I was selfish and immature. He let me know that if I wanted to continue going out with him, I would have to do it.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I have been alone so long waiting for just the right person, but I’m also unsure of what it is I feel for him…. At times I despair, thinking that I’m going to end up alone.
Thank you for asking our advice! We hope that it isn’t too late to help you decide what to do.
We understand that you feel desperate and afraid to end up alone. It seems like you prefer to be with an angry bully who doesn’t respect your feelings than to be by yourself.
Of course he calls you names and says that you are selfish and immature. That’s what bullies do when they don’t get their own way. Of course he threatens you that he will leave you. Threats are another method that bullies use to manipulate their victims.
At this moment it seems to you that if you will just give in to his demands, your relationship will be secure. But what you haven’t recognized is that this is the way he will act every time you disagree with him. If you give in this time, it is only the beginning. Millions of women have fallen into this same kind of trap, and they only wish that they could go back and erase that first wrong decision, but now they’re stuck with men who bully them and mistreat them.
The apostle Paul wrote a famous chapter in the Bible about love. In verse 5, he says that love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.1 According to that Biblical definition, your boyfriend is proving that he does not love you when he dishonors you by trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do. He is proving that he does not love you when he demands his own way, gets angry easily, and continually reminds you of what you have not done to please him.
God designed the physical expression of love through sex to be shared between a man and a woman who love each other enough to pledge themselves to one another in marriage. A man who loves you will respect your wishes and will wait until after the wedding to be physically united with you.
Please don’t ruin your life with this guy! Break off this destructive relationship today!
We wish you well,
Linda and Charles
1 1Co 13:5