Not long ago I became the father of a beautiful baby, even though I am not married to her mother. She is the best woman that I have ever met, but I am the problem, having had a lover from a nightclub at the same time.

I feel very dirty and weighted down. I fear losing the people that I love the most. I have asked God to forgive me, but the guilt feelings don’t go away. I still feel the pain in my heart, and I hear a voice that says, “Guilty, guilty!” The truth is that I would like to be done with all the bad that I have done and start a new life, but when I try, I fall into that deep, dirty pit again.

Please help me! I’m desperate! … I really do want to change and… get married and stop living this life of sin.

Dear Friend,

We’re glad you shared your story with us. Even though you feel that you are the only one in this situation, the truth is that there are many other people who find themselves in that deep, dirty pit that you have described. Just like you, they have tried to change many times, only to fall deeper into the dark abyss. They have lost hope. But you have told us your story because you want to find a way out, and we do have hope for you!

Your conscience is telling you that you are guilty because that is the truth, as you yourself have acknowledged. You are guilty of lying, of cheating, and of many other things that have made you feel dirty. But the part you have not yet understood is that every human being is also guilty. We have all sinned.(1) And because all sin deserves God’s judgment, we all deserve punishment for the things we have done. Your sins may seem worse to you than the sins of other people that you know, but all sin separates us from God.

Each one of us must acknowledge our sin to God Himself through prayer. But instead of responding in judgment, God has already responded by sending His only Son to pay the penalty for our sins. Jesus Christ died to take your punishment, and to take our punishment. So when you ask God to forgive you and you truly repent of your sins, He will wipe the slate clean and give you the brand new life that you desire.

After you have prayed and asked God to take over your life, you must take the next steps of beginning again. Ask your daughter’s mother to forgive you for cheating on her, and ask her to marry you. Make yourself accountable to her for where you are at all times. Make yourself a schedule that gives you no time or opportunity for cheating, and strictly follow it.

Stay home with your family instead of going to nightclubs. Stay out of bars and any other places where you might make bad choices. Find a church nearby where the people who attend are happy and loving because they have a personal relationship with God through prayer and Bible reading. Such a community of people is the right place for you and your family to strengthen your relationships with each other and with God.

We wish you well,

Linda and Charles
1 Ro 3:23