I have an eight-year-old daughter. I never lived with her father…. I still love him, and that is why I have always told him that I want to live with him, but I am aware that he doesn’t love me and he has no desire to live together. That’s why I’ve never required anything of him. He is an engineer, and works for a very prestigious firm and earns plenty of money. He looks after our daughter only at the beginning of the school year and some other time during the year, if I ask him for something she needs…. I let his heart and his conscience tell him what he can give.
For about a month now… he has been talking to our daughter by cell phone, but he told me straight out that he doesn’t want to talk to me at all. It hurt so much! His indifference is killing me inside. I go on each day because I don’t want to let down my parents again, and I certainly don’t want to let down my daughter. I have always lived to please him, and I miss him a lot. I’ve never tried to get over him and rebuild my life…
What a sad and tragic story! We are sorry for the emotional pain that you are experiencing. Unfortunately, many women who hear your story know exactly how you feel because they have experienced the same situation in their own lives.
You have been holding on to a dream for eight long years, but it was never more than a dream. This man never loved you and he never will. You wanted to believe that the daughter you share with him would cause him to love you someday, but it doesn’t happen that way. Your kind heart and your dream have even made it possible for him to be irresponsible in the financial care of your daughter. You have made it clear to him that you will hold on to your dream no matter how he acts or what he says. He can neglect his financial obligation and you will say nothing because you’re still holding on to an empty dream. Wake up! This kind of dream is not for the daytime!
God knew that this kind of situation would happen, so He designed a way for women to minimize the risk of the pain that you are experiencing. Paul the apostle taught that sexual relations should be reserved for people who are married to each other.1 Married men and women who have legal and emotional obligations to each other usually create an environment where a child can thrive. When you chose to have a sexual relationship with this man without the benefit of marriage, you chose to have a daughter grow up without a father, and you chose a lonely and painful life for the past eight years.
Men who go out with a woman on Saturday night and end up engaging in intimate relations with her are not thinking about love, commitment, or children. Women, on the other hand, frequently think that if they agree to a sexual relationship, then love, commitment, and a family will follow. Instead, what follows is the kind of life that you have described.
Wake up and make the most of the rest of your life!
We wish you well,
Linda and Charles
1 1Co 7:1-4