I am married, and we have a beautiful baby who is two-and-a-half years old. When I get home from work, I want to spend all my time with my wife and son; but when I go to work, temptation overtakes me and I cheat on my wife with other women. I do it with the knowledge that it is wrong, and I would like to confess to my wife the damage that I am causing her. But I am afraid that I could lose her and my son.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to deceive her anymore. I want to change my life completely.
You have taken the first step toward the goal of changing your life completely. You have recognized that what you are doing is wrong, and you have made a decision to stop the dangerous and destructive behavior.
But do you really want to change? You say that you do, but you also say that you continue to make the same bad choices over and over again, even though you don’t want to. So if you really want to change your life completely, you must find something that you can change about your circumstances to make it more difficult for you to fall into temptation in the future.
Could you get a different job where no one would know your reputation as a womanizer? If you could get a different job, it would be easier to make a fresh start. From the first day, you could tell every woman you meet about your wife and child, and make it clear that you are a devoted husband and father. If any of the women tried to get your personal attention, you could always change the subject to talk about your wife, or you could avoid contact with them as much as possible.
Whether you get a new job or not, fill your mind with thoughts about your family instead of thoughts of other women. Put pictures of your wife and child on your desk, in your truck, or anywhere else where you will see them often. Call or email your wife every time you have a chance, just to say that you love her and look forward to coming home. Make a decision to never be alone with any woman except your wife, and immediately break off any social relationships that you still have with other women. That means no phone calls, emails, text messages, chats, coffee breaks, or lunches. None! Answer all questions with, “I love my wife, and I must do what is best for my family.”
Are you also cheating your employer by having personal relationships on his time? You say that you are cheating while at work, so you must be lying to a number of people about where you are and what you are doing. If this is true, you probably lack the character qualities of honesty and integrity in every area of your life. You need a complete fresh start.
It requires supernatural help to change from the inside out and to make a fresh start. But the good news is that God wants to help you change. In fact, His Son Jesus already paid the eternal penalty for your lying and cheating and breaking God’s other laws. If you ask God to forgive your sins and to give you a complete fresh start, He will do it. And if you pray each day and read the Bible, God will give you the wisdom and strength that you need to make things right with your wife and to make the right choices in the future.
We wish you well,
Linda and Charles