Two years ago I broke up with my girlfriend. She was mixed up with her best friend, who happens to be a guy, and we broke off our relationship. It was very hard on me; but after three months we got back together, and she distanced herself from the other guy. Now she wants to be friends with him again, and I don’t know what to do because I don’t agree with their friendship. I told her that she could talk to him but not be best friends with him like before, because he didn’t respect my relationship with her. And I told her that if she renewed that same friendship with him, I would walk away.
What should I do? I don’t want to lose her, but I also can’t accept her having a close relationship with him…
You ask for our advice, but you know in your heart what the answer is. You can sense that she is not as committed to you as you would like her to be, but for whatever reason you continue to try and make it work. Your doubts are trying to send you danger signals, but you are ignoring the signs. Our advice is that you pay attention to the signals!
Every day people make wrong decisions based on what they want rather than what they know is best or right. Then they write to us and ask how to fix their problems. But you have a great advantage! You haven’t made a long-term commitment to the girl yet. You can fix the problem now rather than have to regret a bad decision for the rest of your life.
Tell your girlfriend good-bye and then remove her from your life completely. Use your energy to find a girl who will treasure you and will not need another guy in her life.
Is it possible to have a best friend who is the opposite gender? Yes, it certainly is. But it is very complicated and risky when one or both are married, and we recommend that married people have friends of their same gender. As always, it is better to prevent problems than to have to fix them afterward.
Obviously you are going to be sad and lonely after you break up with her. Instead of sitting home alone and moping around, go out to places where you can find new friends. Many churches have groups for people your age, and a group like that is a good place in which to develop meaningful relationships.
We also recommend that you begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He wants to be your Best Friend. He will be with you to comfort you in the difficult times. And He will give you wisdom for your future. Talk to Him today through prayer. He knows just how you feel, and will help you if you just ask Him.
I wish you well,