I am twenty-seven years old. I have had a boyfriend for the past year and we are planning to get married. I love him a lot, and he says he loves me too, but when we fight it is because he doesn’t call me or communicate with me…. He says he is always thinking about me, but he doesn’t call me to make plans for seeing each other. I have to call him.

Sometimes when we are together his attitude changes and he acts distant and serious, like he is bored; but when I ask him about it, he says that nothing is wrong and that it’s because of his work. But other days he is very affectionate and attentive, and does thoughtful things…. At times I think he is stingy with me…. I would give up anything for him, but sometimes I wish he were more attentive….

Who should take the initiative in a relationship? When he acts so distant, does it mean that he doesn’t really love me? I don’t know what to think about him. His attitudes confuse me.

Dear Friend,

Danger! You have not described a man in love. Instead you have described a man who says what he needs to say in order to get what he wants. If you choose to continue with this relationship, you will be signing up for a lifetime of heartache. If he is not attentive now, he certainly will not be attentive if you are married to him. If he does not share with you now, he will not share with you later. And if he is distant now, he will be even more distant in the future.

A man who loves you will treasure you. He will want to spend more time with you than he spends with anyone else. He will plan surprises for you and will share his resources freely. He will enjoy being with you and will not be bored. Don’t waste your time and love on a man who doesn’t treasure you!

Many women put up with undesirable behavior in a romantic relationship, telling themselves that their boyfriend will change. They justify neglect and even abuse because they want the relationship to work. Finally they marry the guy, or worse, move in with him, and then they tell us their stories of despair and hopelessness when it’s too late. But it’s not too late for you! Break up with this man and wait for someone who will treasure you.

It may seem difficult to find the right kind of man. Instead of spending your effort on finding the right man, focus on being the right woman for your future husband. If you begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, He will guide you and give you peace in your heart. He will also give you the strength you need to wait for the man who is right for you. When you become the woman that God wants you to be, you will gain wisdom and discernment so that you will never allow yourself to settle for anything other than the best.

We wish you well,