A woman told me that she had a daughter but had ended the relationship with the girl’s father…. We started seeing each other more, and she ended up pregnant. She told me that she wanted to get married right away, but I said that we should give ourselves some time to think about it…. When she was about three months pregnant, she went back to live with her daughter’s father. That was devastating for me!

Now the baby is three months old. I told her we should go to court to have financial support arranged, but she just wants me to give money directly to her each month and doesn’t care for me to see the baby. In fact, only when I give her money will she allow me to see him. I have decided to leave the city and let time and God help her see that she’s making a mistake by not letting me be in my son’s life.

In the meantime, I plan to open a bank account and save money for the child in case when the boy is older he asks why I left. Do you think that this is a wise decision, or should I instead get an attorney and fight for my child’s rights?

Dear Friend,

I am very glad that you want to make wise decisions for your son’s sake. He is the innocent victim of the error you made when you had a physical relationship with a woman you weren’t married to. He will suffer the consequences during his entire childhood, and it is your job now to make decisions that will minimize those consequences.

Your plan to run away from the problem is cowardly and selfish. Of course you will feel better to get away and avoid dealing with your son’s mother. But what about the little boy who will grow up feeling the acute rejection of not knowing why his biological father left him? That little boy will wonder what he did wrong that caused you to leave him.

Instead of running away from this, you should be running toward it. Research to find out how your local judicial system can help you, or hire an attorney to do it for you. Take your case to court so that you can have regular visitation established with your son. Pay your child support through the court system so that it will be documented. Make it your top priority to never miss a time of visitation and to never miss a payment. Only then will you know that you have done everything in your power for the good of your son.

To be the right kind of father, follow the example of your Heavenly Father, who loves you very much. As the Scripture says, “The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”(1) Make it your goal to have your son someday say the same about you.

We wish you well,

1 Dt 31:6