I had it all! My dreams and aspirations had come true, and I had a wonderful family: a selfless, understanding, and supportive wife, and two children who filled my life with joy from the moment they were born. Nevertheless, I met another woman and fell in love with her. I got my hopes up in a very short time and threw away all I had carefully built in the past to live with this other woman….
Today I am left alone with my children because the woman left us, without much in the way of explanation. My children’s biological mother lives [in another country]. All that is left for me is to confront a very harsh reality….
It saddens us to hear about the difficulties that you and your children are going through. You made a wrong choice, and now you and your children are having to face the consequences. But you are not the only one who has ever made a very bad decision that turned their life upside down. We have all made bad choices which caused us to break God’s law. God will forgive us if we ask Him, but the consequences will still be there to face every morning when we wake up. God washes away sin, but He does not wash away consequences.
The happy news (that might get overlooked in your misery) is that you have your children. Children can bring significant challenges into our lives, but they also can bring great joy. A large percentage of the world’s parents are single, and most of them did not choose to be without a spouse. Their circumstances have brought them to having to rear the children by themselves, and they wish it could have been different. But the joy of sharing life with children, helping to guide their futures, and giving them a stable, peaceful home, gives these parents a worthwhile reason to keep going every day, even when it’s very difficult.
Remember that your children did nothing to deserve this. They were victims of your error. You can never pay them back for what they have suffered, but you can make it your new goal to give them the love and stability that they desperately need. To focus every day on your own misery and loneliness would compound the hurt that they have already experienced. They need a father whose primary goal is to provide them with a happy and healthy home environment.
Paul the apostle offers you the following advice: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”1 How can you do this? First of all, ask God for His forgiveness. Then admit to your children that you sinned against God and against them. Tell them that you deeply regret this sin and that you have asked God to forgive you. And finally, ask them to forgive you for the suffering you have caused them. Let this be a starting point for learning for yourself, and then teaching your children, the wisdom of following God’s law.
We wish you a happy home,
Linda and Charles
1 Eph 6:4