Eight months ago I met a wonderful girl…. But it gets me down that we argue and fight repeatedly over one thing: social networking sites.
I share absolutely everything with her, from my money to my car, and she shares with me as well; but she insists that she will not share her social networking sites with me. I have told her many times to cut off any people that she had a relationship with before we met each other, because it is not healthy to keep in contact with them anymore. I have already done so, but she doesn’t want to because she says that I am being immature. She argues that I don’t trust her; but the fact is she never goes into her social media account if I am beside her, and she still communicates with her old boyfriends. It’s true that I am jealous, and that I haven’t been able to trust her as I would like…. I am willing to change (jealousy doesn’t lead to anything good), but it gets me down when I can tell that she has communicated with a past boyfriend. I don’t know what to do. Help me, please!
Dear Friend,
Social networking sites are wonderful for keeping in touch with distant friends, but they can be very dangerous to relationships and marriages. Your girlfriend seems convinced that there is no harm in communicating secretly with past boyfriends, but you are right to be concerned. You are right to mistrust her actions and her motivations. If such communication were innocent, why would it be a secret?
The potential for secret excitement causes some people to flirt online in a way that they would never do in person, and then after the foundation has been laid, they sometimes meet up with an acquaintance (or even a stranger) that could be a serious threat to their current relationship. The Internet gives the illusion that it is a safe environment, and there are even some married people that will flirt and have inappropriate conversations with the opposite sex because it seems harmless. This is a betrayal of trust and extremely dangerous!
Marriage means joining your homes, your bodies, your finances, and your resources. Do you really want to give full access to someone that you cannot trust? If she had nothing to hide, this matter would not have become an issue.
She calls it jealousy, and you call it a lack of trust. Either way, it is a danger flag that is signaling you to not marry this girl. Your relationship may some day develop into mutual trust, but after only eight months, it is too soon to know.
To make a marriage work, both individuals must be willing to forsake all others, as the wedding vows affirm. It is not possible to remain friends, or virtual friends, with a past boyfriend or girlfriend if you have forsaken all others.
Ask God to give you wisdom and strength so that you will be able to proceed cautiously and decidedly. God can help you be strong even when your emotions are in turmoil.
We wish you well,
Linda