I have been married for a year, and I have some internal conflicts that are robbing me of peace. Sometimes I regret having married my husband. He’s not a bad man, but he has some habits that are extremely irritating. I have pointed out to him repeatedly certain attitudes of his that bother me, but it has done no good.
We moved to his hometown, and I don’t like it at all; but he insists that we have to stay here for now. Recently I found out that I am pregnant, which is reason to be glad; but I would like to run away so that my baby doesn’t have to grow up here. I need some good advice.
We are sorry to hear that you are so unhappy in your marriage and in the place where you live. Marriage is a big adjustment in and of itself, and you have had to also adjust to a new city. And as if that weren’t enough, your hormones are now having to adjust to your pregnancy. It is therefore not surprising that you are having a difficult time finding peace.
You don’t mention that you are lonely and miss your family and friends, but I imagine that it is so. Especially now that you are pregnant, you long for familiar faces and comfortable relationships. One of the most important things you need to do is to find some friends. Ask your doctor’s office for information regarding support groups for pregnant women. Try and make friends with some of your neighbors. Find a church that has programs for women. You need female friends, especially right now.
It would be far better if none of us had bad habits or bad attitudes, but unfortunately we all do. Getting married is an agreement to concentrate on the positive qualities of your spouse, even when that is not easy to do. Your husband has annoying habits, and probably you do things that annoy him as well. It will take years of conversations before all of that gets worked out. But for now, agree that you will try to change one thing about yourself that he doesn’t like if he will try to change one thing about himself that you don’t like. Make sure you choose the one bad habit of his that annoys you the most, and then make a decision to overlook all the others for now.
Many people will identify with you regarding having to live in a place that you do not like. Some people live where it is too cold, and others where it is too hot. Some live where it rains all the time, and others where it is too dry. Give yourself more time to get accustomed to your new city, and try to think about the positive qualities that it has to offer.
The Apostle Paul wrote that he had learned the secret to internal peace. “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content,” he said. “I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”1 Paul learned that the secret to internal peace and contentment is to ask Christ to come into your life, and to trust His perfect will. Even when he was thrown in a Roman jail, Paul was content. You can have that same internal peace. All you have to do is ask God to give it to you.
We wish you well,
1 Php 4:11b-13