I have a twenty-two year old son. He’s a good kid. The problem is that he moved out a few months ago, and I just found out that he is living with a thirty-year-old woman. She has four children, all from different fathers.

Now my son came to me saying that she is expecting a baby, and he is the father. I own my home, and I earn my living renting out a couple of apartments. Now my son up and tells me that he and the woman want to live here with the children. This is making me crazy!

Dear Friend,

We know what it’s like to have a son who becomes a father before he is old enough to be a responsible parent. And we know what it’s like to have a grandchild, but not be able to see him because of conflict between his young unmarried parents. So we know by experience that there are no good answers for you. Whatever choice you make, you will suffer, but there’s no way to avoid it now.

If you allow your son to live on your property with a woman to whom he is not married, then you are tacitly approving of his living conditions. As you know, we believe that living together without being married is a violation of God’s law. And when we break God’s laws, there are always negative consequences, not because God is punishing us, but because His laws were made to prevent those logical consequences. As a result, the child that is coming will suffer, and so will you, even though you are both innocent victims of the situation.

Tell your son that you do not allow unmarried couples to cohabitate in your property. If he loves his girlfriend enough to live with her, then he will have to marry her. But if he doesn’t have a job or the financial means to pay the rent on time, then you shouldn’t even rent to him, whether or not he gets married. Obviously supporting five children and a wife will not be easy at twenty-two, but that is your son’s problem, not yours.

Your son will be very angry and will likely say many unkind things to you. But remember that if you were to let him move in, unmarried or unemployed or both, it would only be a matter of time before you would want to ask him to leave. At that point, you would be throwing him out on the street, so it is better to not allow him to move into your house in the first place.

Your son and his girlfriend will probably use the child as a weapon to try to manipulate you. Don’t let them! Your problems will only get worse if you give in. Your son has shown his adult status by getting a woman pregnant. That act has long-term consequences and is an example of what the Bible says about sin: “You may be sure that your sin will find you out.”(1)

We are very sorry for your situation,

1 Nu 32:23b