I got married when I was twenty-four to a young woman whom I loved deeply…. My love for her caused me to leave everything else behind and marry her. Now we have two beautiful children, whom I love more than life. But a few months ago I discovered that my wife was unfaithful to me with a man that she came to know at her job and with whom she fell so much in love that they had plans to run off together… until I found out. Because of my love for her I told her that I would forgive her, but that she had to completely break it off with the guy. But she continued to see him anyway.
I can’t take it anymore! I am desperate, with nothing to live for. I have even considered suicide, but because of my love for my children I haven’t done it. She wants a separation, but I grew up without the love of a father, and I don’t want that for my children.
We are so sorry for what you are going through. To be betrayed by the one who has pledged to love you forever is a devastating blow. The breakup of your home and family is not something you ever expected, and it has caused your emotions to be in turmoil. However, we are very relieved to hear that you have ruled out the option of killing yourself, for even though that would take you out of your misery, it would also leave your children without your love and protection, which they desperately need.
We are confused by what you say about not wanting your children to be without the love of a father as you were when you were growing up. It sounds like you think that your wife would take your children away from you. If so, you need to consult an attorney so that you can fight to keep your children. The courts will have to decide what is best for them, but we certainly encourage you to do everything possible to get full or joint custody. And whatever the custody arrangement is, you must put aside your grief and take advantage of every moment and let your children constantly feel your love and concern for them. They will be confused and hurt, so your loving reassurance is extremely important.
God designed marriage to be a safe and secure environment in which to bring up children. Your wife has robbed your children of that environment, so it is up to you to give them as much safety and security as possible. We strongly recommend that you ask God to be your strength. Ask Him to forgive you for your sins in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and to give you hope for the future. Find a congregation of people who reflect God’s love and live by Biblical principles, and take your children there so that all of you can develop friendships with people who can help you grow in your faith. It will be difficult to get through this, but with God’s help we know you can make it.
We wish you well,