I am twenty-two years old, and I made the worst mistake of my life. I had a month-long relationship that I stopped when I found out that my boyfriend was married. But I found out too late because, as a result, I am now pregnant and he disappeared, not wanting to know anything about this.
The one thing that keeps going through my head is to kill myself. I feel like trash, and I can’t see another way out. Every day I think about how I can end my life, because I know that my life is ruined and no one will accept me like this. I think about jumping off a bridge, stepping in front of a speeding car, or taking an overdose. The only thing I want is for my child not to be born without a father, like I was.
We are very sorry for the desperation and hopelessness that you are feeling. You have experienced what it is like to be born without a father, and you care enough about your child to want something better than that for him. It is good that you are thinking of what is best for your child, because that child has a great deal of potential, and it is in your power to decide his future. He could be a teacher or a doctor. She could be a judge or the president of a country. The possibilities are endless, and you are the one with the power to create an environment of love and support that will make anything possible.
Obviously you had not planned to have a baby right now, but it is too late to worry about that. The baby exists, and you must spend your emotional and physical energy carrying for her and planning for her. Thinking about ways to end your life and worrying about what other people will think are a waste of time. Instead, you can decide to take responsibility for what you have done, and plan the best possible future for your child.
In many countries, your married boyfriend has financial responsibility for the child, whether he wants it or not. When you see a doctor about your pregnancy, ask for references for social agencies that will help you get financial support. Any man who biologically fathers a child is morally responsible to financially care for the child, and in many countries the legal system will make that happen. It doesn’t matter that his wife will find out, or that he will be mad and may threaten you. Your child deserves the financial resources of both of his biological parents.
It is very possible that your mother or a close relative will help you. Of course they will be shocked and disappointed in you, but that will pass, and you can face it for the sake of the child.
God understands what you are going through, and He is ready to help you and give you strength. He gave His only Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that all your sins could be forgiven. It is a mistake to consider one sin worse than all the others. All sin separates us from God, so ask Him for forgiveness and then let Him guide you into the future. God’s power will get you through this and all the other difficult challenges ahead.
We wish you well,