I am a twelve‑year‑old boy. I have felt very badly ever since my father abandoned us about eight years ago. I am sad to not have him here with me.
When I ask my mother why he left us, she says that he went to [another country] to work so he could send us money; but he never came back. He communicates with my oldest sister, who is fifteen now, to send some money; but only every once in a while.
In spite of everything, I love my father and I’d like for him to be with me so we could be together. I know it’s not very likely, because it’s been so long since he abandoned us. What do you think I should do?
Thank you very much for writing to us. We are very happy to know that you have been reading our “Cases of the Week.” The advice in our cases is not based on religion, but on God’s Word, the Bible. If you follow the teachings of the Bible, you can make a better life for yourself in the future.
Some day you will probably have a little boy of your own. You get to decide how you are going to treat his mother and him. You can make decisions now that will help you to treat that little boy the way that is best for him in the future. You can decide to be honest and have integrity. You can decide to be responsible and to keep your word. You can decide to become a man who your son can be proud of. And you can decide to have a close relationship with him that you never have had with your own father.
We believe that your father made some bad decisions, and now you have suffered as a consequence of his decisions. He may have argued a lot with your mother, so he decided to leave her. Or maybe he didn’t plan to leave her, but now so much time has passed that he preferred no to return. Either way, it is not your fault. You didn’t do anything to make him leave. And you haven’t done anything to make him stay away.
You asked us what you should do. We have a few suggestions. First, you should try and understand that your mother is also hurt by what your father has done. No doubt she is lonely and sad, just like you are. Try and remember that you are not the only one who has been suffering.
Next, remember that in just a few more years, you will be an adult. At that time, you will probably be able to communicate with your father. Maybe you’ll also be able to see him. Now, it seems like it will be forever until you are an adult, but the time will pass.
Most importantly, remember that God is a loving Father that will never leave us nor forget about us.1 He makes promises in the Bible, and He keeps every one of his promises. He wants to be with you every day2 to help you through the loneliness and sadness. But you must ask Him to be with you by praying and inviting His Son, Jesus Christ, to come into your heart. When you have God’s Son in your heart, the Heavenly Father will always be there beside you. Read the Bible so you can learn more about God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son. Then pray every day so you can get to know your Heavenly Father and have a personal relationship with Him.
Your Heavenly Father loves you and is always with you,
Linda and Charles
1 Dt 4:31
2 Mt 28:20