My wife and I have been together for three years, and we have a two-year-old daughter. We were so happy! Our marriage didn’t have any problems at all. She was very thoughtful. But in the last few weeks she has been acting very differently toward me…. I discovered that she has been unfaithful to me with a man from her workplace. I couldn’t believe it! She said that I had changed and was no longer thoughtful to her, that the other guy was very thoughtful to her, and that she began to feel something for him, and that’s why she did what she did.
Right now we are separated. The truth is that I love her so much that I want to forgive her, but I am not sure what she really feels for me and for the other guy. I don’t know what decision to make.
We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. Infidelity has torn apart your life and your home, and it is normal for you to be confused about the future.
The key to the advice we have for you can be found in something you disclose. You say that you are unsure of what your wife feels for you, and unsure of what she feels for the other guy. Because that is true, it is very wise to stay separated from your wife until she figures out her feelings. It is also wise for you to give her time and space. Don’t pressure her or give her deadlines. Don’t ask her a lot of questions or contact her constantly. And treat her kindly, but not so as to lose her respect.
Your wife chose to break her wedding vows. She chose to destroy the trust that you had between you. And she chose to break one of the Ten Commandments, which is to not commit adultery. Jesus taught that adultery is grounds for divorce.1 However, if you are willing to forgive her, and if she still loves you, then it is better for you to stay married.
Your daughter should be your primary concern at this time. If your wife does not allow you full access to your daughter, then you must file a legal action to obtain generous visitation rights. This usually can be done without an attorney and without much cost. However, you should also realize that your wife might reciprocate by filing papers to force you to pay child support. Of course, it is your responsibility to financially provide for your daughter no matter where you live.
We congratulate you for wanting to forgive your wife. Jesus Christ said that if we want to be forgiven, we must forgive.2 When we forgive, we follow Christ’s example. Even though we don’t deserve it, God is willing to forgive each of us for the ways that we have failed Him. All we have to do is ask for His forgiveness in the name of His Son Jesus Christ.
We wish you well,
1 Mt 19:9
2 Mt 6:14-15