I have been married for fourteen years. During thirteen of those years I was faithful to my husband, but in the last year I was unfaithful with two individuals at the same time…. During this time I have been very anxious because I know that the punishment for sin is death…. My husband now knows the truth, and we are trying to save our marriage.
I am so sorry to think that I could really be such a bad woman. How can I look at my husband again without feeling ashamed? … I would just like to know if at some time I can once again deserve the love of God.
We are happy to hear that you have stopped being unfaithful to your husband and that the two of you want to try and save your marriage. We encourage you to put all your energy into proving to your husband that he can trust you. Give him the password to your email account and ask him to go through your text messages as often as he wants. Keep no secrets. Tell him where you will be at every moment of the day. Your words of repentance are not as significant as your changed actions and attitudes. So expect that it will take two to three years for your husband to begin to trust you again.
You want to know if you can someday once again deserve God’s love. The answer is no. You can never deserve the price that Jesus paid on the cross for your sins. However, none of us deserve God’s love. Even the person that seems the most holy can never deserve God’s love. That is because all of us as human beings have a sin nature that makes us weak, while the temptation to sin is strong. It is why we do things and then are very angry with ourselves for what we did. The temptation to sin is always with us.
Unfortunately our sin deserves punishment. But Jesus died so that we can have forgiveness even though we will never deserve it.
You say that you are very sorry to think that you could be such a bad woman. You are right that your choices have been very bad, but that doesn’t mean that you are bad. You are a child of God, created in His image. He loves you and wants to forgive you and make you clean again, with all the sin washed away. However, you must tell Him how sorry you are and ask for His forgiveness. Then read the Bible to know what God wants from you. Pray and ask Him to help you stay away from sin.
You feel ashamed when you look at your husband. That shame is your conscience speaking to you, reminding you of how you have failed him. If you listen to your conscience, you will choose right instead of wrong, so accept your conscience as a close friend. When you feel ashamed, let it remind you of all the steps you need to take to keep from ever hurting your husband again. However, remember that God forgives and forgets, but man never forgets.
We wish you the best,