I am single…. Because of my parents’ illness, I have to financially support our home, so I now work more hours. At work I met a guy and had intimate relations with him and got pregnant, but he made me abort the child. Then I was in a relationship with a man who was separated from his wife, and now I’m in love with another married man. I’m not sure if it’s because of trauma, or the need to feel loved, or some other reason that I keep doing this. The only thing I know is that I fail God and don’t want to, but now I’m in love with this married man.

Dear Friend,

It is good that you realize that your pattern of relationships with men is not satisfying to yourself or to God. You also know that there must be some reason for your attraction to the wrong men.

In fact, because there are so many possible contributing factors, it is impossible for us to know the reasons without getting to know you personally. However, the reasons are not as important as the remedies. What can you do to stop the pattern and find the right kind of man?

First, put aside your unrealistic expectations and impossible dreams, and stop seeing the married man. Do not say a formal goodbye and do not give him a chance to try to change your mind. Married men who have affairs are liars and cheats. They don’t keep their promises and they cannot be trusted. The love you feel for this man is a prison that is keeping you from finding a man who is honorable and who has integrity. Break out of prison today!

Next, make a list of the attributes you want to find in a husband. Keep the list in your handbag at all times. When you meet a man, mentally compare him to the list. Determine and remind yourself daily that you are worth the man who is represented by the list. Don’t even accept a coffee date alone with a man who obviously doesn’t measure up. Use group dating to get to know whether a man is worthy of you, and don’t go out with a man alone until you are positive that he is the kind of man you are looking for.

You seem to care about what God thinks. He thinks that you are valuable enough for Him to have sent His Son Jesus Christ to pay the eternal penalty for your sins. Jesus died so that you could be forgiven for the abortion, the illicit sexual relationships, and for any other sins that you have committed. Ask for forgiveness, and then start over. Begin by developing a daily relationship with Christ through prayer and Bible reading. The Bible is full of the stories of real people who made very bad mistakes, but were forgiven by God.

Finally, determine to be the kind of woman who will attract the right kind of man. Find a church where the people live according to God’s laws, and attend the activities and services. Trust God to send the right man into your life.

We wish you the best,