I’m twenty-six years old, and I met a girl who lives in another city. We started going out, and she ended up pregnant. Now she demands that I come and live with her… threatening me that if I don’t, I’ll never see her again. I would guess that she doesn’t love me and that her desperation has more to do with her own family conflicts and her loneliness.
I am right in my last year at the university, and I don’t want to go live with her until I finish my studies, but she’s not willing to wait. She wants me to abandon everything to go to her. I feel very torn up about this!
Dear Friend,
Three of the things that you tell us can be construed as reasons why you should not do as your girlfriend wants you to do: she doesn’t love you (and you don’t say that you love her); she is looking for any way out of her family conflicts; and you are almost finished with your university studies. We believe that these are valid reasons to stop you from giving in to her demands.
However, it is evident that you feel obligated because she is pregnant. You probably wish that you had never had sex with her, but it is too late. Your choice to have a sexual relationship before marriage got you into this situation, and now you feel compelled to do the right thing.
Is it the right thing to go and live with her because she is pregnant? Absolutely not! If you love her enough to live with her for your entire life, then ask her to marry you, but wait until after you graduate to get married and to live together. However, if you do not love her that much, and certainly if she does not love you, then it is not the right thing to marry her.
Living together before or instead of marriage is quite common, and it sounds like that is what she wants. However, living together is extremely risky. How do you know how long the other person will want to stay? And what if you change your entire life around to accommodate the relationship, and then the other person decides that she wants out? Living together is about convenience, but it is not about promises and commitment.
God designed the sex act to be the union of a man and woman in life-long loving commitment. However, many people seem to believe that sex has no meaning at all and is just for entertainment or recreation. This attitude leads to the conception of unwanted children who often grow up without their fathers in their lives. As you have personally experienced, there are lasting consequences when you choose to ignore God’s way.
The right thing for you to do is to provide financially for your child. That baby must be your first consideration now. You should buy diapers instead of new shoes for yourself, and baby clothes before new clothes for yourself. In addition, take legal action to get regular visits with your son or daughter, and determine that you will prioritize your child above every other relationship in your life.
We wish you the best,
Linda