When I was a child I saw how my parents fought. Time passed, and they broke up. I grew up with very low self-esteem and insecurity. But with psychological treatment I have improved a lot to keep from making the same mistakes my parents did.
I am now in love with a girl and she loves me too, but every time she says she wants to get married I make up excuses and change the subject. I am afraid to fail as my parents did, or to take on all the responsibilities that marriage implies. I am looking for stability in my life, a good job and money to buy a house and a car in the future. However, because of my attitude I have given my girlfriend reason to have doubts about marrying me…. Sometimes I think that she is the one for me, but I am afraid and unsure when she says we should get married. We have been going out for two-and-a-half years.
Dear Friend,
We commend you for overcoming the difficulties of your childhood and for deciding to make better choices and a different life for yourself. We agree that marriage has many responsibilities and that you should be very sure before deciding to get married. If more people had this attitude, there would certainly be more happy marriages in the end.
You love this girl enough to have stayed with her for two-and-a-half years. Can you imagine a future life without her? Take some time to think about what your days would be like if the two of you were to break up. How would you feel if she were no longer part of your life?
If you can imagine a happy life without your girlfriend, then you need to let her go now. It is not fair to keep her in a relationship that has no future.
However, if the thought of living without her tears you up on the inside and seems unimaginable, then it is time to put aside your fears and plan a wedding.
We would never recommend marriage based purely on emotion, but in your case your negative emotions of fear and uncertainty are causing you to be frozen in place. You must explore your innermost feelings to find out if your love is strong enough to take such a risk.
There is only One who can help you know how to proceed. Our Heavenly Father can be trusted with all our emotions and our dreams. If you ask Him to lead you and to help you make wise decisions, He will. Even more importantly, if you choose to accept his Son Jesus Christ as your Savior, you will have a friend to help you with all the important decisions of life. When you trust in Him, the future can be secure, both here on earth and for eternity.
We wish you the best,
Linda