I am twenty-five years old and I live with my boyfriend. He works far from here and comes back every couple of weeks. When he arrives, he spends the day doing favors for his siblings and, when he’s finished, he goes drinking with his friends and comes home in the wee hours of the morning or the next day. When I complain and ask him why he leaves me alone, he says he’s free and we’re not joined at the hip. Then he gets angry and leaves again….

I think he doesn’t love me. He says that it’s all the same to him if I stay with him or not.

Dear Friend,

We are so very sad for you! You obviously do not value yourself, or you would not allow yourself to be taken advantage of and disrespected. Has someone in your past made you believe that you are not worth anything?

We cannot imagine why you stay with this guy. He is offering you absolutely nothing. We would guess that he doesn’t contribute financially to the household and that he takes no responsibility for your care. Even if he does, it does not give him the right to treat you so poorly.

Your boyfriend’s attitude and words reveal what is in his heart. You are right that he doesn’t love you; you are a convenience for him. Please get away from this man immediately.

Serious romantic relationships do not work unless there is commitment. Your boyfriend is obviously not committed to you. You are providing a physical relationship for him, but he’s not giving you anything in return.

That type of unbalanced relationship is why God designed marriage. Yes, in marriage you give up the freedom to do whatever you want without regard for another person. But what you gain in a loving marriage is emotional security and a partnership that makes being together much better than being apart. You gain a soul mate that understands you and loves you like no one else. You gain someone who treasures you and wants your good more than their own good. And you gain someone who wants to be “joined at the hip” with you.

Many people believe that living together without getting married is the way to “test” the relationship. Some don’t believe in marriage, and others are afraid that they will make a wrong choice. But until you find someone who loves and treasures you enough to marry you, we urge you to stay single and save yourself for your future husband.

The Apostle Paul taught, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”(1) When you find a man who loves you as much as he loves himself, who treasures you and wants to be with you as long as you both live, don’t settle for a relationship outside of marriage; marry him!

We wish you the best,

1 Eph 5:28