For the past six years I’ve been living with the father of my two younger daughters. When we met, I had a daughter who was almost seven. After living together a while, my second daughter was born, and that’s when the trouble started. He began to verbally abuse my oldest daughter.
Now she is going to be fifteen years old, and… I can’t stand it each time he does things to make her feel badly. I have thought about leaving him, but people around me… tell me I should wait on God. I don’t know what to do…. I only know that for years my poor daughter has been bearing this heavy cross that I thoughtlessly made her carry…. How is she going to ever believe in men when her father abandoned her and her stepfather belittles her and makes her life so difficult?
Dear Friend,
You are not married. You are living with a man that you are not committed to and allowing him to ruin your daughter’s life. And is if that weren’t enough, you are listening to people who give bad advice.
Yes, we can wait on God. He loves us and wants the very best for us. But God designed the marriage relationship and gave us the Ten Commandments. How can we ask Him to solve our problems when we don’t follow His laws? How can we expect Him to resolve our difficulties when they are the direct result of disobeying His divine laws?
You admit that you thoughtlessly made your daughter carry this “cross.” So you realize that you made some very bad decisions. First, you overlooked your daughter completely and began a relationship with a man who did not completely accept her. You absolutely disregarded your daughter’s needs and only thought of yourself. And then you made it worse by moving in with the man and having more children with him.
We would normally advise that you get married to this man so that your younger daughters can have a stable home and so that you can follow God’s law. But in this case, marrying the man would be like throwing your oldest daughter out with the trash.
We believe that you should get away from this man that you are living with. Take advantage of the legal system in your country to get financial support for your younger daughters. Encourage him to have a relationship with his daughters, but you stay away from him. Determine that your daughters will be your only priority. Do not date other men, no matter how wonderful you think they are. Devote yourself only to your girls until the youngest becomes an adult. This may sound harsh, but when you chose to have your first daughter, you should have chosen to put her needs first. You haven’t done that yet, but we hope you will from now on.
We wish you the best,
Linda