I’m jealous of the relationship that my husband has with one of his sisters. She gives more attention to my husband and treats him better than her own husband. My husband counts on her to help him with almost everything. He makes some decisions with her input instead of consulting with me…. In one day he says her name more times than I can count…. I feel that I’m competing for my husband’s attention…. He tells her everything.
I am desperate! I’ve talked to him about it, and things got better for a while; but now it’s worse because she works for him. What can I do?
If you had asked us, “How can I limit my husband’s relationship with his sister?”, we would have had to answer, “You can’t.” However, you have asked the right question, “What can I do?” And fortunately, we have some suggestions.
There is nothing wrong with a brother and sister having a strong relationship, even if both of them have their own spouse. However, because their relationship bothers you so much, it is too bad that you didn’t notice it before you were married. Now it is something that you will have to accept and get used to.
When you say that he says her name more times in one day than you can count, you reveal your state of mind. You are obviously exaggerating in that statement, and probably in other statements as well. You are not being reasonable in your assessment of their relationship. Saying you are desperate also reveals your state of mind. To feel so desperate over this reveals that you are profoundly insecure.
Your insecurity has caused you to exaggerate and overreact. That, in turn, makes you more unreasonable, which makes your husband turn to his sister even more. Everything you say about his sister is actually pushing him away instead of drawing him closer to you. Don’t talk to him about it anymore, and don’t let him see that you are upset. Pretend that there is no problem, and act like you would if there were nothing bothering you.
We recommend that you get professional help for your insecurities. It would be very helpful for you to be able to discuss your feelings with a counselor or therapist. We also believe that, instead of bringing it up to your husband, you should pray about your jealousy. God cares about you and wants to give you wisdom and strength, but you need to reach out to Him first. He wants to forgive you for your jealousy and for every other sin in your life, but you must ask Him in prayer in the name of His Son Jesus Christ. You don’t have to be desperate any more.
We wish you the best,