My girlfriend has prohibited me from having casual female friends. She is jealous every day in more ways than you could imagine. She is even jealous of the time I spend with my sister! That’s why I don’t love her as much as I used to. She wants to control me. It feels like she doesn’t trust me, so no matter how much we love each other, I don’t think we’ll end up getting married as we had planned.
We are very glad that you have asked for advice before getting engaged to your girlfriend. There is still time to avoid making the worst decision of your life.
What you describe is intolerable and unhealthy. A woman who is that jealous has serious issues and needs to see a professional counselor. For you to marry her would condemn you to misery and unhappiness. The kindest way for you to proceed is to break up with her immediately. Don’t stay with her and give her hope that you are going to marry her. Don’t give in to her manipulative demands or emotional demonstrations. And don’t argue or justify. Just tell her that her jealousy has driven you away and that she needs professional help.
In Cases 39 and 248 we have given detailed advice for how to handle jealousy in a marriage and in a courtship. Those cases can be read at message2conscience.com. In your situation, however, we do not recommend that you stay in the relationship long enough to follow through with the advice from those cases.
You admit that you have already lost some of the love that you had for your girlfriend. Once that loss of love occurs, it is very difficult to reverse the process. If you were already married, then you would have to work very hard to repair the damage that has been caused. However, since you are not married, it is better for you to get away while you can.
Your girlfriend is not only jealous, she is also controlling, domineering, and manipulative. Unless she is able to change, there are not many men who could be happy living with her.
The Apostle Paul wrote that those who are jealous will not inherit the Kingdom of God.1 That is another way of saying that those who are jealous are committing sin and will not go to heaven. Of course, all of us have committed sins and cannot go to heaven unless we have asked God for forgiveness. We must also work daily to change our sinful ways and develop a relationship with His Son Jesus Christ, who wants to give us strength. Your girlfriend can be forgiven just like the rest of us, but she needs God’s help and the help of a professional counselor.
We wish you the best,
1 Gal 5:19-21