This year has been very difficult for me. I am doing poorly in school and I have problems with depression and bipolar disorder…. I am twelve years old and have too much pain for my age. I have tried to kill myself many times because I am a disappointment to all my family, my friends, and my loved ones.
During the second semester, I asked God to help me to pass the year. I did all I could, but nothing changed. The year is almost over, but instead of getting an answer to my prayer, I’ve got more problems. I don’t know if I should tell my family what is going on with me because I don’t know how they’ll take it. I don’t trust anyone in my family, not even my mother. I’m afraid. I feel like I’m a mistake, and I don’t know what to do.
Your situation is heartbreaking. We are so sorry for what you are going through! Thank you for telling us about it.
You say that you have problems with depression and bipolar disorder. A medical doctor must have evaluated you, because no one else is qualified to make such a diagnosis. Any doctor who diagnosed bipolar disorder would have given you medication to regulate the brain chemicals that cause the disorder. But you don’t mention anything about medication. If you are not taking the correct medication, then that lack of medication is the number one reason for all of the problems that you are facing, including school and your attempts to kill yourself.
You also say that you don’t know how your family will react if you tell them your problems. I’m not sure if you mean that your family doesn’t know that you are failing in school, or that they don’t know that you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. And you say that you don’t trust anyone, but unfortunately you can’t get the help that you need unless an adult knows what is happening. Please ask one of your parents to take you to the doctor so that you can explain to him or her how you feel.
If you do have bipolar disorder, then you may experience manic episodes in which your behavior is wild and uncontrolled. At other times you may be depressed without the will to live. Your self-esteem is non-existent, and you are even paranoid, unable to trust anyone. It would be virtually impossible to do well in school while experiencing these highs and lows.
Finally, you believe that God hasn’t answered your prayer. At times God answers by causing us to think of possible solutions. You thought of asking us for help. Maybe that was God’s answer. And we are asking you to go to your doctor, tell him or her everything that is going on and everything that you feel, and take whatever medications are prescribed. Please write back and tell us what happens. We care about you!
We wish you the best,