I am almost thirty-five years old. I am currently living with my mother because I haven’t been able to find a job. My mother suffers from depression…. For as long as I can remember, she has never supported me in anything…. When I look for a job and an opportunity presents itself, she always makes negative comments….

She has never approved of any girlfriend that I have had, and she wants to run my life…. She threatens that she will kill herself if I move out…. I can’t accomplish any of my personal goals (find a job, move out, buy a car, find a wife, have a family)…. I pray every night that God will help me find a job and that little by little I can begin to accomplish my life goals.

Dear Friend,

We are so sad to hear of what you are going through! Depression is a serious illness, and it sounds like your mother has been struggling with it for many years. So we are sad for her as well. It is possible that there are medications that could help her, so please encourage her to talk to a medical doctor.

However, depression cannot be blamed for manipulative behavior, and your mother is definitely manipulating you. Please read Case 207 at message2conscience.com. There you will find suggestions to help you deal with your mother’s manipulation.

You say that you pray every night that God will help you find a job, and that some opportunities have come up, even though nothing has worked out so far. But you don’t say if you have a profession or the skills needed to get a job that you would like. If you do not have a profession or skills, then we suggest that you accept any job that will help you get training. Even if it isn’t a perfect job right now, it could help you prepare for a better future.

If you do have a profession or the skills you need, then the best thing that you can do is to take a low-paying job or even volunteer your time in a place where there might be future job openings. When one of our sons was younger, he was trained as a computer technician. But he couldn’t find a job in that field, so he took a job parking cars at an office building. He was friendly and helpful, and got to know the people who brought their cars to be parked. One of those people found out about his skills and offered him an office job. While working in that office, he acquired certain skills that led him to a better job with that same employer. Today he is the technical director for a national company. And it all came from being willing to park cars.

God loves you and wants to help you in every situation. Ask Him to help you recognize the right opportunity, even if it isn’t perfect. In addition to that prayer, also ask Him to forgive you of your sins and to help you become more like Him. Following his example is an important goal to add to your list of life goals.

We wish you the best,