Two years ago, my husband was unfaithful. I forgave him and thought that would be the end of it, but there is a seven-month-old baby as a result…. I believe he’s continuing to communicate with her using the excuse of the baby. I feel let down by my husband. And I feel hate, bitterness and spite toward that woman for all the harm that she has done to me…. She lives to cause hurt and watch me suffer…. Since he has stayed with me, he doesn’t want to leave. He says he loves me and our two children…. I feel that the woman manipulates him using the baby. At times, I want to kill her!

Dear Friend,

It is a horrible thing to be betrayed by the person who has vowed to love and honor you. When your husband chose to be unfaithful, he caused all the hurt that you and your children now feel. Yet even though you say that you feel let down by him, all your anger seems to be directed toward the other woman and her child.

The strong emotions that you express are extremely dangerous to you and to your children. Of course, it is reasonable for you to be angry and to want this whole situation to go away; but your desire for vengeance, along with your thoughts of killing the woman, are not reasonable at all. If you let your emotions continue to dominate your decisions, you could likely take actions that would be dangerous for your family. The hate is consuming you, and your children are likely suffering from your preoccupation with the woman and her baby.

You say that the woman lives to cause hurt and to watch you suffer. That may be true. But it is actually more likely that she just wants a good life for her child. And even though it seems wrong to you, your husband has the same emotional and financial obligation to that baby as he does to your two children.

Your situation is too complicated for us to be able to give you specific advice about your marriage or your options for the future, but you may read Case 147 at for some ideas.

What is very clear is that you must make it a priority to deal with your extremely dangerous emotions. Your brain is being poisoned by the continuous hate and bitterness. Many studies show that these strong emotions contribute to serious physical illnesses. So you are literally making yourself sick. Any illness that you have won’t hurt the woman, but it certainly will hurt your children. Do you love them more than you hate her?

Though professional counseling would definitely help, only God is powerful enough to help you get past your hate and bitterness. We recommend that you ask Him to show you the steps you need to take. He is the ultimate example of forgiveness.

We wish you the best,