I am a fifteen-year-old girl…. My mother left me when I was two years old. She moved to another country, supposedly to give me a better life. However, a few months ago in a conversation with her she confessed that I was an accident, not wanted by my mother nor my father. They say that they don’t love me and, even though I live with my father, I feel insecure. I would like to have someone to hug me and let me tell them all the things that happen to me every day. I feel badly when I see my friends with their mothers, and I know that my mother doesn’t love me. What can I do to stop feeling so badly?
Dear Friend,
It breaks my heart to learn of your situation! It must be horrible to feel unloved and unwanted. You have let what your mother said in a conversation affect how you feel about yourself. But that is a mistake, and I will tell you why.
Your mother said that you were an accident, not wanted by her nor by your father. Therefore, it is likely that your parents never planned to have a future together. Every day hundreds of thousands of children around the world are created in this same way. Their parents did not plan on having a child, but they had sex before marriage, and unplanned children are the result.
However, just because you were a surprise fifteen years ago does not mean that you are not loved today. Most surprise pregnancies end with a baby who is loved from that time forward. Did your mother say that she doesn’t love you now, or did she just say how she felt back then? It is easy to misunderstand such a delicate matter. If she doesn’t love you now, why is she even communicating with you?
Who told you that your father doesn’t love you? Did she say that, or did he? You wish that he would be more affectionate with you and that he would listen to you more. But many dads are not affectionate, and most are not good listeners. That does not mean that they do not love their children.
At fifteen, you have very active hormones that are changing you from a girl into a woman. Those chemicals can make you very sensitive and moody. It is easy to misunderstand and get your feelings hurt. It is possible that your father doesn’t love you, but it is much more likely that he just doesn’t know how to show you his love.
Regardless of how your father feels, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you very much. He loves you so much that He actually sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for your sins so that you could experience His great love and forgiveness. Pray and ask God to show you His love and to make you aware of other family members and friends who love you. Focus on that love that you do have, rather than the love that you are missing.
We wish you the best,
Linda