About two months ago I was unfaithful to my wife on social media. I chatted with two women about how bad my wife was to me, and how sad and empty my life was by her side. All of it was based on lies, because things weren’t really like that. I also… talked to another woman about intimate sexual matters…. My wife found out about all of it, put me out of the house, and asked for a divorce. I am very sorry now and I want her to forgive me. She does not tolerate infidelity and, even though I never slept with any of the women, for my wife this cannot be undone.
Dear Friend,
You are sorry for what you did, and especially for the consequences of your actions. But have you thought about what feelings you had that led you to say those destructive and hurtful things about your wife?
We can think of two different possibilities. The first is that you were willing to say anything to build a relationship with the other women, all with the hope (or subconscious wish) that you would eventually have a sexual relationship with one or all of them. But you didn’t have time to actually carry out your plan because your wife discovered your actions before it could go that far.
The other possibility is that you felt (and maybe still feel) anger toward your wife but were unable to express your feelings to her. So you exposed your feelings in a “safe” anonymous way. Once she discovered this, you had to deny your true feelings in order to hide them from her. You lied, saying that what you said before was a lie, but that you were now telling the truth.
How could she possibly know what to believe? Either way you completely betrayed her, showing yourself to be a liar and a deceiver. You are not the man that she thought you were. Your wife will not be able to get over this betrayal very easily.
If you truly are sorry and want to save your marriage, you must be willing to make some changes. First, cancel all your social media accounts. It is too easy for you to lie anonymously, so take away that temptation. Next, write down all the situations in which you regularly lie or deceive anyone, and determine how you can stop doing that.
Most importantly, ask God to forgive you for all your sins in the name of His Son Jesus Christ. Ask Him to change you from the inside out. God has the power to do what you cannot do alone. He can help you become the kind of man that your wife will someday be able to trust again.
We wish you the best,
Linda